“Back to school, back to school, to prove to Daddy that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to… school.”
-Billy Madison
If you’ve seen Billy Madison, then you know this quote is the ultimate anthem for anyone returning to school, full of both excitement and a little bit of anxiety. And honestly, as I head into this new year of retaking a class and starting my thesis, I can relate to Billy on a deep level. Sure, I’m not exactly packing a lunch or tying up my boots, but the nerves, the determination to prove myself, and the hope that everything goes smoothly? Oh yeah, I feel that. Let’s just hope I avoid the metaphorical fight this time around.
Back to School at METU
I returned to the beautiful campus of Middle East Technical University earlier this week to begin the second year of my MBA. I am so grateful to be a part of the METU community. This school and its community has been my saving grace when times have gotten tough for me over the last year.
This new year brought with it a fresh wave of both excitement and apprehension. Unlike the typical “new year, new me” mentality, I’m entering this season with two specific goals – retaking the class I failed last year and beginning the work of writing a thesis. While both goals are a little daunting for me at this moment in time, I am ready to get back to school. As I’ve said before, the campus is breathtaking, the students are sooooo nice and continue to inspire me, and the professors are world-class.
But let me be real for a second: last year wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. There were a lot of days when I felt lost, unsure, and- let’s face it – pretty lonely.
Reflecting on a Year of Growth (and a Boatload of Tears)
When I moved to Türkiye, I imagined a grand adventure. You know, like the montage scenes in movies where everything falls into place, the music is upbeat, and everyone is smiling and happy. However, my reality looked more like a soap opera, complete with dramatic crying scenes. There were many days when I questioned why everything felt so difficult. But through all the embarrassing and ugly crying, one thing remained rock solid: I never doubted that I was meant to be here.
Sure, there were moments when I felt like a circus performer trying to juggle flaming swords (and dropping them). But despite all the challenges, something deep inside kept telling me that this was my path. It was hard—no denying that—but it was also necessary. Every tear, every frustrating moment with trying to learn Turkish, and every setback added a new layer of resilience. And also, I’d like to think, character (I’m basically a walking character arc at this point).
Luckily, I wasn’t alone in all of this. I had a very supportive group of friends in the MBA program (and the International Students Office) who were there for me when I needed a pick-me-up (or a box of tissues). We laughed, we cried (mostly me), and we leaned on each other through all the craziness. Let’s just say they witnessed some award-winning meltdowns. A special shoutout to Arca, Ayla, Sinan, Hazar, Deniz, and Erdem for the continued love and support they showed me throughout all of this. More on this whole crew later. 🙂
A Landlady Who Really Didn’t Want to Pay Taxes, A Canceled Permit, and the Language Barrier (Still)
Oh! Speaking of craziness, let’s talk about my residence permit. Yes, I had it at one point! I was all set, residence permit in hand, thinking, “Wow, look at me, all official in a foreign country!” But my landlady had done some dishonest things when I paid for the year in advance to avoid paying taxes. The ramifications from her greed were like a plot twist in a bad sitcom. I’ll save the full details for later (trust me, it’s a wild ride), but let’s just leave it for now at my residence permit was canceled. And I’m still jumping through bureaucratic hoops to try and fix this.
While I’m still sorting out that whole debacle, I’m continuing my uphill battle with the Turkish language. Some days, I feel like I’m making progress—like when I finally ordered a coffee in Turkish (“Filtre kahve, lütfen”) without a long pause and a look of confusion from the barista. Other days, it’s like I’ve forgotten every word I’ve ever learned. Here’s hoping that once I finally get my permit straightened out, I can enroll in language classes at the local college that was recommended to me. Maybe then I’ll start sounding more like a local and less like a confused tourist. If not, well… at least I’ll keep my friends entertained with my ongoing language fails!
The Road Ahead: Retaking Operations Management and Beginning a Thesis
Now, let’s talk about that class I’m retaking. It’s not just any class—it’s Operations Management, a subject I genuinely love. And let’s be real, failing something you love stings. During my two prior degrees, I never came close to failing. Ever. Even when I was sure I was going to fail a class, it was all in my head. I always passed without being close to failing. With Operations Management, I loved the subject, the professor, and her lectures. They were interesting, engaging, and always left me feeling like I’d just discovered something amazing. I did all the readings, I showed up to every class, and I took it all in like an eager sponge.
But then came the tests. And let me tell you, they were some of the most difficult exams I’ve ever taken. It felt like the questions were written in code, or maybe hieroglyphics. Despite how much I adored the material, I just couldn’t seem to bridge the gap between what we discussed in class and what was on the exams. It was like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube with my eyes closed while someone shouted random instructions in Turkish. (Spoiler: I’m still bad at Turkish.)
Retaking the class feels like both a second chance and an uphill climb. But this time, I’m determined to find a way to make those puzzle pieces fit—even if I have to use a hammer. And this time around, I have a different professor, so there’s hope for me yet!
Then there’s the matter of my thesis. I’m officially starting work with my advisor, and to say I’m nervous would be an understatement. But mixed in with the nerves is a healthy dose of excitement. This is the heart of my MBA journey—the final stretch, the big show. It’s everything I’ve worked toward, wrapped up in one very intimidating project. And yes, there will be coffee. Lots of coffee.
Now to decide on a topic…
Looking Back, Moving Forward
When I reflect on the past year, I can hardly believe how far I’ve come. I moved to a new country, embraced a new culture, survived bouts of loneliness, failed a class (still hurts), was hit by a car (a topic for another day), and yet, here I am-still standing, still fighting, and still managing to laugh (even if it’s sometimes through tears).
But if the last year taught me anything, it’s that growth isn’t linear. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and often involves crying in public places. But… And this is the important thing… It has absolutely been worth it. Every tear, every challenge, every misstep-they are all shaping me into the person I am meant to become. And while I may not have control over every twist and turn, I can control how I face them.
So here’s to new beginnings, second chances, and the beauty of a life where I am still learning, challenging myself, and continuing to grow as a person, despite being in my mid-40s. I will keep pushing forward, even if it means a few more tears (and maybe a couple more meltdowns) along the way.
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Thank you for joining me on this wild ride!
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